Bump in the Road

This hasn’t been a good week. Partly because I’ve been frustrated with the lack of weight loss. It’s defeating to do everything exactly right and still not lose. I think I rebelled and thought if I’m going to gain anyway, might as well eat whatever I want. Stupid logic and completely untrue, but it’s how I felt. It was also partly because I’m going through some emotional stuff and simply didn’t have the emotional energy to devote to tracking every single thing I ate. Again, stupid logic but I just didn’t have the ability to focus all of my effort on weight loss this week. The bad thing is that I’m only hurting myself, which causes more emotional baggage and pain.

The guy, on the other hand, has done great dieting this week and has cut out breads and sugars. He’s part of the emotional crap I’ve been going through (the majority of it) and it honestly stung a little to see him doing something positive and me eating junk. It also brings up all my insecurities…not that they weren’t already present. I can’t help thinking when he talks about himself needing to lose weight if he isn’t thinking that I need to too. He’s been nice enough not to say anything, but I worry that it’s thought, just not spoken.

I’m hoping this week was just a bump in the road and that I can get back on track.  So far so good today.   I’m still an emotional mess, but I’m working through that as well.  Here’s to a better week…a better life.

Weigh in

Weigh in this morning was 208.6.  So I gained 0.6. 

I’m still frustrated with my weight loss…or lack of weight loss.  This week I tracked every single thing I ate.  I ate most of my activity points and some of my weekly points.  But, I still had plenty left over.  Evidently, that doesn’t work for me.  Evidently, I need to stick to the daily allowance and that’s it. 

I’m disappointed that I gained instead of lost this week.  I’m going to try one more week of tracking and sticking to only my daily points.  I’m worried about Sunday.  It’s the Super Bowl.  I was planning on using some of my weekly points to cover it, but clearly allowing myself to use weekly points isn’t working…which honestly makes me a little mad.

If I don’t lose anything next week, I’m not sure what to do next.       

Change of Plans

Last night we had a slight change of plans. The pizza place we were planning on going to had a long wait, so we ended up at a different Italian restaurant. I did okay with my dinner, but we ordered an appetizer and dessert. We both talk about needing to eat better and needing to go to the gym, but together we make bad decisions. The problem is that he can handle the extra food, but I can’t. The only good thing is that we share, but I have to stop getting an appetizer, meal, and dessert.  Luckily, I’d planned for the pizza, so dinner was about the same number of points I’d already allotted for it. 

Pizza

I’m worried about tomorrow.  My guy and I are going to our favorite pizza place.  It’s yummy, cheesy, huge slices of pizza.  The only saving grace is that it’s extremely thin crust.  I’m hoping I can plan well enough tomorrow to save enough points for it without starving during the day. 

Today has been emotionally taxing for a variety of reasons.  I’ve been depressed and sad.  The weird thing is that the emotions hit me out of nowhere and then went away as quickly as they came.  Talk about a roller coaster ride all day.

When will I learn?

I stepped on the scale this morning just for a peek.  Bad decision.  It shows that I’m up 3 lbs…3 freakin’ pounds.  WTF.  I’m not sure why my weight fluctuates so much during the week…at least I hope that’s just a weird fluctuation and not what I’m going to end up weighing next Tuesday.  I need to just learn to stay off the scale during the week.  Stupid moves like this one just leave me depressed, defeated, and wondering why I even try if the scale is going to cooperate.

Points 1.28.10

Daily Points Target: 26

Points Used:  31

Activity Points Earned: 3

Weekly Points Used: 2

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Tonight the gym was frustrating.  I struggled through the first part of it.  Once again, I couldn’t find a rhythm or stride.  My legs were heavy and I couldn’t seem to get into the flow of jogging.  The second 1/4 jog went much better and I fell into a stride.  But my legs were hurting, and I was exhausted.  By the time the second 1/2 mile came I felt sick.  I jogged .3 and then walked for just a little bit (less than .1).  Then, I jogged for .2 so I made it through the half but couldn’t do it all together.  By the time I was finished, I felt so nauseous.  Now I know why people end up throwing up while exercising.  I still felt sick after the gym and had a slight burp/nearly vomit moment. gross.

Points 1.28.10

Daily Points Target: 26

Points Used:  31

Activity Points Earned: 3

Weekly Points Used: 2

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Tonight the gym was frustrating.  I struggled through the first part of it.  Once again, I couldn’t find a rhythm or stride.  My legs were heavy and I couldn’t seem to get into the flow of jogging.  The second 1/4 jog went much better and I fell into a stride.  But my legs were hurting, and I was exhausted.  By the time the second 1/2 mile came I felt sick.  I jogged .3 and then walked for just a little bit (less than .1).  Then, I jogged for .2 so I made it through the half but couldn’t do it all together.  By the time I was finished, I felt so nauseous.  Now I know why people end up throwing up while exercising.  I still felt sick after the gym and had a slight burp/nearly vomit moment. gross.

Points 1.27.10

Daily Points Allowance:  26

Points Used:  31

Weekly Points Used:  5

Weekly Points Remaining: 30

Points 1.26.10

Daily Points Allowance:  26

Points Used:  28.5

Activity Points Earned:  3

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I went to the gym tonight and didn’t like it…plain and simple didn’t like it.  I did the warm-up, 1/4 mile jog, 1/8 mile walk, 1/2 jog, 1/4 walk, 1/4 jog, 1/8 walk, 1/2 jog, cool down.  I couldn’t find a rhythm and struggled through most of it.  My legs hurt and my left foot went numb around the end of the second 1/2 mile jog.  I couldn’t wait for it to be over.  BUT, I did it.  It wasn’t pretty, but I made it through.  The good thing is that I kept my breathing steady and controlled.  I’m hoping next time will be easier. I think I need to speed it up to get into a stride, but then I get tired too quickly.  So, I have to find a balance between speed and distance…find something that feels right but that I can sustain…which is the entire point of C25K…building my endurance.  I know it’s working.  I just have to keep at it. 

I ended with a round on the weight machines.  At least that part went well.

Weigh-in and Points

Points for yesterday:  25 of 27, no activity points. 

Weigh-in for today: 208 :)  Apparently, it takes my body nearly a week to adjust and lose weight.  So, moral of the story is that I need to quit weighing during the middle of the week and just stick to one weigh in day.  Otherwise, I’m going to continue to drive myself crazy.