Emotional Baggage

So, I know this is supposed to be a weight loss focused blog.  But emotions are deeply tied to weight.  So, here goes…

There’s this boy.  He came along when I was at my most vulnerable, but also when I was most open and willing to let someone in.  We had an immediate connection.  He made me feel the best I’ve ever felt.  He made me feel the worst.  It was amazing but in the end he broke my heart and destroyed the little bit that was left of my self-esteem.  I’m over him, but not over everything he meant to me.  Not over the scars he left behind.  He still gets to me, gets under my skin.  I hate that he (or even just thoughts of him) still has the ability to affect me.  I wish reminders of him didn’t still hurt and didn’t still make me think less of myself.  I wish he was no longer a trigger.

I wish I didn’t fear that things are going to end the same way with the new guy in my life.  I wish I could get him and all the negative thoughts out of my head.  I wish I could move on and move past it all.  But I’m stuck with all the insecurities and negativity playing over and over.  

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~ by Mary Frances on March 6, 2010.

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