Since I declared that I seemed to finally be moving in the right direction on the scale, the scale has decided to teach me not to speak too soon.  It would go up a few pounds and then come down, only to go right back up again.  I didn’t weigh every day, but close to it.  Maybe it’s just normal fluctuations, but it’s discouraging to say the least.  I know I shouldn’t weigh that often, for that very reason, but then I began to worry that if I didn’t keep a close check on it, it would creep up even more by weigh-in day.  After being at 193 earlier in the week, it slowly came down and is now showing:




I want to be excited about it, but I’m almost afraid to be happy at this point.  I can’t remember the last time my weight started with 18…  It hasn’t been in my adult life.  I don’t remember my weight from middle school or high school (I either never knew, have blocked it out, or have that bad of a memory), but I doubt it was that low even then.  Maybe middle school, but definitely not high school. 

Instead of being ecstatic and motivated, I feel worried and discouraged.   I’m at the lowest weight I can ever remember and negative thoughts prevail over the joy that I should be feeling.  Insane what mind games we let the scale play on us.   


~ by Mary Frances on July 2, 2010.

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