People are starting to notice

Suddenly people are commenting on the weight loss.  People who knew I was trying have been commenting for a while, but I thought it was more as encouragement than that I’ve actually changed that much.  Now it’s friends and co-workers who didn’t know I was trying.  With every new person who says something, I first feel happy and excited, but then the panic sets in.  Once people notice, they’ll notice if I put it back on.  They’ll notice if I don’t lose any more.  And then, of course, I wonder how bad was I before.

So far I don’t see it…at least not that much.  My face is a little thinner, my stomach looks a little different (not smaller, just different), and some clothes are a little roomier.  But, there’s nothing dramatic that I can see.

This week I haven’t been eating that well.  I finally realized that I’m sabotaging myself.  I’m so afraid of failing yet again that I’m doing everything possible to actually fail.  It’s crazy.  It’s illogical.  It makes absolutely no sense.  I’ve always known that weight loss was more mental than physical, now I’m just realizing how much that’s true.  The problem now:  how do I fix the mental so that I can finally lose the weight and then keep it off?

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~ by Mary Frances on July 11, 2010.

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