Adventures in Dating

I didn’t date much in high school.  I was always the “friend,” the one they talked to about everything…including girls.  My best friend in high school and college was a guy and we spent most of the weekends going to dinner, to movies, just hanging out.  Who needs to date other guys when I got to spend all my time with one who happened to be my best friend.  Right before we graduated college, he finally came out to me.  Although it would have been obvious to most people, I always knew.  He was shocked that I wasn’t shocked.

All that to say, I just recently started actually dating.  After my last relationship ended because I wanted a relationship and he didn’t, I decided it was time to date, meet several guys, not jump into a relationship.  Finally figure out what (who) I wanted by trying out different guys.  Do what most people spent their high school and college years doing.

Thanks to online dating, I had access to a pool of guys.  It was going well until one guy decided we were in a relationship after (or during) the third date.  He spent the second date holding my hand during the entire movie, on the way to the car, on the way to the restaurant, and on the way back to the car.  The third date was a make out session that was constantly him putting his hands places and me moving them away.  Told ya it was like high school. 

Otherwise, he seemed perfect.  He was nice, said all the right things, called when he said he would, opened doors, and treated me like seeing me was a privilege and he was lucky to be with me (even said that several times).  The only problem was that I didn’t feel anything.  There was no spark.  Nothing.  I berated myself for finally finding the guy with all the traits I wanted and still not wanting him.  He was the opposite of the ex who didn’t want a relationship after 2 years.  This guy wanted one after only a few dates. 

I explained repeatedly that I liked him, enjoyed spending time with him, but wasn’t ready for a relationship yet.  I said I wanted to get to know each other and let it develop naturally rather than forcing it.  Turns out he couldn’t (or wouldn’t) take no for an answer. 

He started monitoring me online to see how often I signed onto the dating site (even though I’d signed in most days, I hadn’t been talking to anyone else).  He got mad that I didn’t seem excited enough to see him when we got together.  He got mad that I went out with friends during the week, even though he wasn’t able to get together. He got mad that I wasn’t acting like a girlfriend even though I told him over and over that I wasn’t. 

He called one night that I was out with friends to fuss at me and let me know I was caught cheating.  He was then surprised when instead of apologizing and begging for forgiveness, I was the one who was angry.  Angry at the spying and accusations.  Angry that he didn’t trust me or respect me enough to talk to me before jumping to conclusions. 

The good news is that I got away from someone who turned out to be controlling and suffocating before it was too late.  The better news is that I was so upset and distracted by him that I walked outside to get air with a friend and ended up meeting the owner of the bar, who is turning out to be a fun, interesting, amazing guy.  He’s a story for another day.        


~ by Mary Frances on March 27, 2011.

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